Breakdown

I find things extremely difficult to keep up with when I'm making a new project for myself everytime I turn around. You would think I would just sit down and relax, but I just keep going and going and going...

On Friday night Roger had to work so he had to sleep in Saturday morning. From one of the publications from the library there was and advirtisement for an opening parade for some festival down in North Beach (an hour in a half away). So being the super mom I thought I was... Saturday morning, I worked out, at my bowl of cereal (which the diet thing just isn't working for me) and loaded the kids into the car driving an hour and a half away for some parade. Nikholi was soo excited, he wanted to go to the parade so bad, for a good thirty minutes all I heard is, "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?" When I was younger I swore to myself that my kids would never do that! We finally arrived at the beach to find that there was no parade, but there was a nice beach and many vendors for the festival. So I thought I would make the most of our time there, since it took me so long to get out there. I let Nikholi play on the playhouse boat on the beach, he wanted to go swimming, and if I knew the beach was going to be as nice as it was I would have brought our swimming suits!

I decided to go look at some vendors, Nikholi willingly came along until he realize that we were going to be doing something that he didn't want to do... Then he booked it in the opposite direction. Trying to chase after him with Kami in the stroller, which wasn't one of the jogging strollers so the front wheels would mess up the faster I tried to catch up with Nikholi. I decieded to move to the front of the stroller pulling it behind me so I could have a better reach once I did get a hold of Nikholi. But once he found out that I was chasing after him, he threw his head back started laughing and ran faster! Oh, I was furious, especially as people around me were laughing. I wanted to say, "quit laughing and help me dang it!" Once I finally was able to grab a hold of Nikholi up and over my shoulders he went. I explained to him that we were going home! He kicked and screamed over my shoulder, while I pushed Kami in the stroller up a steep hill and over two blocks. I was definetly sweating and completely out of breath once we reached the car. But my battle wasn't over yet! I still had to get him into his car seat! Kicking and screaming, sliding downward towards the floor board, picking him up putting him in his car seat and then having to start the process all over again! Luckily, Kambrya was asleep during all of this, she's such a good baby! :)

As we were driving down the road, headed home, Nikholi still screaming saying, "I'm not bad! I'm not bad!" I actually felt like I got threw to him when I rationalized with him. I told him, "No, you're not bad, I just didn't like what you were doing." He told me, "but I wanted to play on the boat." I then told him, "We were going to go back to the boat, but I wanted to look at somethings first. - You can't run away from mommy because I don't want a stanger to take you because then I would never see you again." He was quiet, and calmed down... saying, "I'm sorry mommy."

So on our way home, we stopped at Burger King for lunch and waited for Roger to meet up with us. There was another African American festival going on near by, so Roger and I drove over there. They wanted $5 for parking, and we didn't have any cash on us so we went to Roger's parents house instead. Roger was there for about 15 minutes and left to go dirt bike riding with his friend and cousin. We stayed for another 30 minutes because Nikholi was having fun singing on their kareoke machine.

Again, I loaded up the kids in the car and then went home. I called Roger to ask where he was and he was telling me that they were all going night riding on his friends quads. And apparently his cousins girlfriend went. Every time Roger goes bike riding, it's always time with the guys, so I was extremely jealous that she was able to go, but yet I wasn't. When I told Roger, "I want to go!" He told me, "You can't, you have to take care of the kids." My neverending story. I wish one day that he'll understand, he gets days off from work, and I don't even get an hour off from the kids! Roger didn't get home until almost midnight, which also really dissappointed me because I was expecting him home no later than 10pm.

Sunday morning, Roger left to go help his dad with a project at one of the thrift stores and I was left to get the kids ready for church. I loaded them into the car and off to church we went. Nikholi told me, out of the blue that morning, "I'm going to be good and church, and I'm going to be quiet and fold my arms." The morning was going really well, when we got to church Nikholi sat down and folded his arms, I was shocked! 45 minutes later he started acting up, briberies weren't working, and nothing was keeping him occupied. So a lady (Suz) sitting next to me offered to take Kami while I took Nikholi outside. As we walked around the building he promised he would be good. When I came back inside Kami was in Suz's arms SCREAMING!!! As I was trying to comfort Kami, Nikholi became all wound-up again. So I calmed Kami down, got a hold of Nikholi and dashed for the car. It was a lot more dramatic than what I'm writing, but it definetly was an experience to have both of them unhappy! Nikholi didn't want to leave and again I had to deal with him kicking, screaming, hitting and scratching me as I'm trying to buckle him into his car seat.

We arrived home, I put Nikholi in his room and tried to calm Kami down. Mind you I heard both of them screaming for 30 minutes in the car until we got home. I tried to calm Kami down and Nikholi finally had calmed down. When Nikholi came out of his room he wanted something to drink, he wanted something to eat, he wanted something to watch, he wanted to play the Wii, etc. (neverending story) and Kami continued to fuss even after I fed her. Roger was suppose to be home at 2pm, or so he said, and he didn't get home until about 4pm. When he came home he found me in the closet crying and holding a pillow. I felt like a horrible mom, like I couldn't handle my own kids.

What I'm realizing is motherhood has it's ups and downs... and with Kami and Nikholi, this is now the story of my life!