Every Thursday is our date night. It all started with the show Burn Notice. A spy series that both my husband and I love! Since we've moved into our new home (which I'm soo in love with and never want to leave) we've also ordered Vinny's on thursday nights.
For those of you that keep up on my status updates on Facebook know that my husband and I have come along a bumpy stretch of our relationship. The basis of it is the fact that I feel underappriciated for everything I do. I'm sure this is true for most of you mothers out there. But it hurts me the most when his parents give him money to buy things we wouldn't be able to afford. Then instead of spending the money on things that could benefit the family, he has spent it on things that he wants. There is more to it, but I'm not going to continue ranting about my frustrations. I'm still slightly upset about the whole situation because I don't feel that we have completely come to a reasonable compromise. *Ah, the joys of marriage*
Since the beginning of this bumpy road where 'Momma has just had enough', instead of yelling, screaming, and throwing things (what some in my family growing-up see as an effective way of handling things) I explained myself to my husband and when he still didn't understand, I took my frustration out in silence, but emerge myself in THEREPUTIC CLEANING. I was soo distrought I broke my mop!
So on my way to pick-up our dinner from Vinny's (my favorite place for greesy Italian - they have calazone's!) I took Nikholi with me, so we could spend some one-on-one time together. As we were pulling out of the driveway he noticed that Roger pulled our garbage barrel to the curb; which isn't an easy task because our driveway is really long. And when Nikholi told me about it he said it in a taddling tone (because its something I normally take care of). I assured him that it was okay and told him that it was nice of dad to take out the trash for me.
His response gave me my first lesson on a child's comprehension. He told me that "Dad is filling up the bottom of the heart," explaining it to me like a meter of love. "The heart was cracked and now you guys are starting to put it back together." My eyes wallowed in the tears I was trying to hold back. I thought that screaming, yelling, and throwing things, would cease the hurt my child feels; attempting to help them avoid the pain I felt growing up. They say "actions speak louder than words" and even though I chose to handle the situation silently instead of verbally, the frustration and heart ache was still recognized.
Roger was gone majority of this week, staying nights in a hotel, helping his dad with a building structure. So I'm sure that only added to Nikholi's understanding of the situation as I felt more pain with him gone. I've survived deployments and vendettas, but it's difficult to survive, even a day, if your mad at each other when seperated.
Then to lighten the mood of my new lesson learned, as we were walking into the resturant to pick-up our order, we passed a couple families, and Nikholi LOUDLY says, "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE NOT HAVING ANY MORE KIDS!" Hiding my face in embarrassment and understanding that my child knows way too much about my personal life!
Friday, August 27, 2010
Saturday, August 21, 2010
What's UR Job Description?
With the days I have been having lately, my mind has started to wander and I've been thinking about all the things I never expected to be part of Motherhood's job description.
Motherhood Job Description
Title: Mom, Mommy & Mama
Uniform: PJ because the chance of getting a shower is a hit or miss, so get comfy with your smell and in your pjs. You must never, NEVER put on any thing that you really like b/c it will get: spit, pooh, pee, formula, juice, baby food, your food (as now you can only eat with hand) and God only knows what all over it at least once daily.
Hours:
24/7 for the rest of your life!
Pay:
Hugs and Kisses and the pride and joy of seeing your children grow up right
Description:
To give birth, nurture, care and provide for your child every day. You will never have a weekend, vacation, time off, sick day, and god forbid an hour to your self while there is still day light. Give up ever eating your meal while it is still hot. Learn the art of going to the restroom with one hand. Learn how to sing and dance while driving. Understand that you for the first 5 years will not be allowed to go to the bathroom alone and with out interruption. Give up on having a plan for the day your child will tell you what you can and can not do each day.
Requirements:
- The ability to tune out multi-dircetions and criticisms of driving from the back of the car (being stopped at a red light and Kambri yelling GO... GO!!)
- The ability to mentally hold all appointments, to-do, shopping lists (knowing when the secret stash is running low on chocolate).
- The ability to sound informed on the advantages of diesel vs petroleum fuel when questioned at length by a 5 year old.
- The ability to negotiate between two injured parties both wanting to play with the same toy, and the quickness of mind to suggest a solution.
- The ability to throw inhibition to the winds and race around a park pretending to be a monster, growling, snorting, and generally being unpleasant while at the same time acknowledging strangers in a 'this is perfectly normal behavior' way.
- The ability to discount a certain amount of low-level puke stains on clothes
- The ability to apply mascara to eyes that can barely open after a night of disrupted sleep, and to convince yourself that the results do make a difference.
- The ability to zone out - with your eyes open - while looking incredibily interested and muttering appropriate negatives or affirmatives when being interrogated about the latest Power Ranger or Transformer adventures.
- The ability to wipe up pee first thing in the morning - without gagging and then having to go back to bed to recover - when your son over-shoots the target.
- The ability to read a story book out loud, with expression, while thinking of something else.
- The ability to have a calm and collected conversation with important people while your child kicks, screams, wails and clings onto your legs.
- The ability to ensure that projectile vomiting baby only hits you and not the rug/bed sheets/wall etc.
- The ability to make peace with the fact that you are now the sort of person who would rather clean vomit off your own bra than have to wash the rug/bed sheets/wall one more time.
- The ability to fake interest in 80 billionth lego spaceship design.
- The ability to keep a calendar so you can keep track of the outside world because you know you'll never see it again.
- The ability to stay warm and loving despite frustrations.
- The ability to have a level head and a good support group.
- The ability to unwind with only a coke, bar of chocolate, and a DVR.
Responsibilities: To understand that bearing children is a sacred calling and your in a partnership with God when it comes to raising young ones. To spend time with your children and teach them the gospel; while playing and working with them to help them discover the world around them.
Does anyone have anymore to add?
We moms are very good at multi-tasking and dealing with the products of the bodily functions. Nothings is weird or odd to us and we don't turn up our nose at anything. I must remember now, that when I get frazzled, how I have handled all these things with ease so that when the next screaming kid comes to me I can further realize that I'm a Mom.. not a paid professional.
Motherhood Job Description
Title: Mom, Mommy & Mama
Uniform: PJ because the chance of getting a shower is a hit or miss, so get comfy with your smell and in your pjs. You must never, NEVER put on any thing that you really like b/c it will get: spit, pooh, pee, formula, juice, baby food, your food (as now you can only eat with hand) and God only knows what all over it at least once daily.
Hours:
24/7 for the rest of your life!
Pay:
Hugs and Kisses and the pride and joy of seeing your children grow up right
Description:
To give birth, nurture, care and provide for your child every day. You will never have a weekend, vacation, time off, sick day, and god forbid an hour to your self while there is still day light. Give up ever eating your meal while it is still hot. Learn the art of going to the restroom with one hand. Learn how to sing and dance while driving. Understand that you for the first 5 years will not be allowed to go to the bathroom alone and with out interruption. Give up on having a plan for the day your child will tell you what you can and can not do each day.
Requirements:
- The ability to tune out multi-dircetions and criticisms of driving from the back of the car (being stopped at a red light and Kambri yelling GO... GO!!)
- The ability to mentally hold all appointments, to-do, shopping lists (knowing when the secret stash is running low on chocolate).
- The ability to sound informed on the advantages of diesel vs petroleum fuel when questioned at length by a 5 year old.
- The ability to negotiate between two injured parties both wanting to play with the same toy, and the quickness of mind to suggest a solution.
- The ability to throw inhibition to the winds and race around a park pretending to be a monster, growling, snorting, and generally being unpleasant while at the same time acknowledging strangers in a 'this is perfectly normal behavior' way.
- The ability to discount a certain amount of low-level puke stains on clothes
- The ability to apply mascara to eyes that can barely open after a night of disrupted sleep, and to convince yourself that the results do make a difference.
- The ability to zone out - with your eyes open - while looking incredibily interested and muttering appropriate negatives or affirmatives when being interrogated about the latest Power Ranger or Transformer adventures.
- The ability to wipe up pee first thing in the morning - without gagging and then having to go back to bed to recover - when your son over-shoots the target.
- The ability to read a story book out loud, with expression, while thinking of something else.
- The ability to have a calm and collected conversation with important people while your child kicks, screams, wails and clings onto your legs.
- The ability to ensure that projectile vomiting baby only hits you and not the rug/bed sheets/wall etc.
- The ability to make peace with the fact that you are now the sort of person who would rather clean vomit off your own bra than have to wash the rug/bed sheets/wall one more time.
- The ability to fake interest in 80 billionth lego spaceship design.
- The ability to keep a calendar so you can keep track of the outside world because you know you'll never see it again.
- The ability to stay warm and loving despite frustrations.
- The ability to have a level head and a good support group.
- The ability to unwind with only a coke, bar of chocolate, and a DVR.
Responsibilities: To understand that bearing children is a sacred calling and your in a partnership with God when it comes to raising young ones. To spend time with your children and teach them the gospel; while playing and working with them to help them discover the world around them.
Does anyone have anymore to add?
We moms are very good at multi-tasking and dealing with the products of the bodily functions. Nothings is weird or odd to us and we don't turn up our nose at anything. I must remember now, that when I get frazzled, how I have handled all these things with ease so that when the next screaming kid comes to me I can further realize that I'm a Mom.. not a paid professional.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
The Myth of a Helpful Husband
My husband doesn't help out around the house...and that's fine with me!
I can't stand all those "reality" shows on Discovery delivering false pretenses of attentive husbands who coach their wives through childbirth (I bought a book on the Bradley Method for my husband, which sat by the bedside and went unread), take three years of paternity leave and ALWAYS pitch in whenever mommy is showing obvious signs of distress. Those guys are like Stepford husbands: serving a full day at work, then coming home to take care of the household, (cooking dinner, giving the kids baths, and getting them in bed), despite the fact that they, too, are not sleeping nights. They feed the baby and take turns getting up to change the baby. They give the mom body massages and still have energy to rekindle the romance at night. I don't know WHO these men are, but I have yet to meet one of their wives.
This MYTH of the super-mothering father MUST STOP. Someone even wrote a book on: How To Pamper Your Pregnant Wife. ..... Yeah, right! After Lttl1 was born, my husband still groans about having "pizza...again" when I'm too exhausted to cook dinner. He had to be forcefully persuaded into changing diapers at night; since he can't help with night feedings because I nurse. As for making dinner for me? Get real. At this point, he has been working 12 hour days with his dad, plus completing interviews for police departments on the weekends. He's not about ready to come home and start a-cookin'. Hand holding during delivery? Cutting the cord? Um...no. He stayed at the far side of the room and admired the baby as he was getting cleaned up. *Thank goodness for my mothers comforting nature through it all, otherwise, I believe I would have ended up quite traumatized.*
And you know what? I beginning to be fine with it all. I work hard and so does my husband. He doesn't get a break at work, so why should I?
Just once I'd like to see a mother with her newborn in a sling whipping up a gormet dinner for five and asking her husband "could you hold the baby?" and him saying, "Um, no," before retiring to the bathroom with new gun magazine. Now that would really be a "reality" show!!
I can't stand all those "reality" shows on Discovery delivering false pretenses of attentive husbands who coach their wives through childbirth (I bought a book on the Bradley Method for my husband, which sat by the bedside and went unread), take three years of paternity leave and ALWAYS pitch in whenever mommy is showing obvious signs of distress. Those guys are like Stepford husbands: serving a full day at work, then coming home to take care of the household, (cooking dinner, giving the kids baths, and getting them in bed), despite the fact that they, too, are not sleeping nights. They feed the baby and take turns getting up to change the baby. They give the mom body massages and still have energy to rekindle the romance at night. I don't know WHO these men are, but I have yet to meet one of their wives.This MYTH of the super-mothering father MUST STOP. Someone even wrote a book on: How To Pamper Your Pregnant Wife. ..... Yeah, right! After Lttl1 was born, my husband still groans about having "pizza...again" when I'm too exhausted to cook dinner. He had to be forcefully persuaded into changing diapers at night; since he can't help with night feedings because I nurse. As for making dinner for me? Get real. At this point, he has been working 12 hour days with his dad, plus completing interviews for police departments on the weekends. He's not about ready to come home and start a-cookin'. Hand holding during delivery? Cutting the cord? Um...no. He stayed at the far side of the room and admired the baby as he was getting cleaned up. *Thank goodness for my mothers comforting nature through it all, otherwise, I believe I would have ended up quite traumatized.*
And you know what? I beginning to be fine with it all. I work hard and so does my husband. He doesn't get a break at work, so why should I?
Just once I'd like to see a mother with her newborn in a sling whipping up a gormet dinner for five and asking her husband "could you hold the baby?" and him saying, "Um, no," before retiring to the bathroom with new gun magazine. Now that would really be a "reality" show!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)