With the days I have been having lately, my mind has started to wander and I've been thinking about all the things I never expected to be part of Motherhood's job description.
Motherhood Job Description
Title: Mom, Mommy & Mama
Uniform: PJ because the chance of getting a shower is a hit or miss, so get comfy with your smell and in your pjs. You must never, NEVER put on any thing that you really like b/c it will get: spit, pooh, pee, formula, juice, baby food, your food (as now you can only eat with hand) and God only knows what all over it at least once daily.
Hours:
24/7 for the rest of your life!
Pay:
Hugs and Kisses and the pride and joy of seeing your children grow up right
Description:
To give birth, nurture, care and provide for your child every day. You will never have a weekend, vacation, time off, sick day, and god forbid an hour to your self while there is still day light. Give up ever eating your meal while it is still hot. Learn the art of going to the restroom with one hand. Learn how to sing and dance while driving. Understand that you for the first 5 years will not be allowed to go to the bathroom alone and with out interruption. Give up on having a plan for the day your child will tell you what you can and can not do each day.
Requirements:
- The ability to tune out multi-dircetions and criticisms of driving from the back of the car (being stopped at a red light and Kambri yelling GO... GO!!)
- The ability to mentally hold all appointments, to-do, shopping lists (knowing when the secret stash is running low on chocolate).
- The ability to sound informed on the advantages of diesel vs petroleum fuel when questioned at length by a 5 year old.
- The ability to negotiate between two injured parties both wanting to play with the same toy, and the quickness of mind to suggest a solution.
- The ability to throw inhibition to the winds and race around a park pretending to be a monster, growling, snorting, and generally being unpleasant while at the same time acknowledging strangers in a 'this is perfectly normal behavior' way.
- The ability to discount a certain amount of low-level puke stains on clothes
- The ability to apply mascara to eyes that can barely open after a night of disrupted sleep, and to convince yourself that the results do make a difference.
- The ability to zone out - with your eyes open - while looking incredibily interested and muttering appropriate negatives or affirmatives when being interrogated about the latest Power Ranger or Transformer adventures.
- The ability to wipe up pee first thing in the morning - without gagging and then having to go back to bed to recover - when your son over-shoots the target.
- The ability to read a story book out loud, with expression, while thinking of something else.
- The ability to have a calm and collected conversation with important people while your child kicks, screams, wails and clings onto your legs.
- The ability to ensure that projectile vomiting baby only hits you and not the rug/bed sheets/wall etc.
- The ability to make peace with the fact that you are now the sort of person who would rather clean vomit off your own bra than have to wash the rug/bed sheets/wall one more time.
- The ability to fake interest in 80 billionth lego spaceship design.
- The ability to keep a calendar so you can keep track of the outside world because you know you'll never see it again.
- The ability to stay warm and loving despite frustrations.
- The ability to have a level head and a good support group.
- The ability to unwind with only a coke, bar of chocolate, and a DVR.
Responsibilities: To understand that bearing children is a sacred calling and your in a partnership with God when it comes to raising young ones. To spend time with your children and teach them the gospel; while playing and working with them to help them discover the world around them.
Does anyone have anymore to add?
We moms are very good at multi-tasking and dealing with the products of the bodily functions. Nothings is weird or odd to us and we don't turn up our nose at anything. I must remember now, that when I get frazzled, how I have handled all these things with ease so that when the next screaming kid comes to me I can further realize that I'm a Mom.. not a paid professional.
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